Trust Came Home To Me Today

It has been said that
" we see things not as they are, but as we are."
And I have found this to be absolutely true.

I will document the last two years of my life as monumental. Before them, I had lost an old friend. One that made me feel safe. One that taught me to love without boundaries. And for so long I blamed the bullies of the world, Pain and Heartache, for making this friend leave. But the truth is, I was the only person in control of how long this old friend of mine would stay away.
And I am happy to tell you

Trust Came Home.
For so long I have been skeptical of people. Just people in general. I had lost a lot of faith in good intentions and more often than not, searched for selfish motives behind every action. When I look back on it now and try to figure out why, I think that maybe it was because I was used to my own way of selfish thinking, and so I presumably saw a piece of myself in others that was not there. Ahh.. the pathetic human flaws.
Sometimes in life we can't see past our own reflection.

Dear me,
stop being so self centered.
yours truly.

I would also like to take this time, on the record, to blame a lot of my distrust of people on those wretched real life mystery shows that I just can't seem to get enough of and my old job at which I was constantly told about negative experiences that were happening to negative people all.the.time.

{Nah, who am I kidding? Let's just blame me. It's easier that way.}

Either way, these last two years have been an absolute epiphany. I don't know if having someone that loves me unconditionally did the trick, [thank you, Adam] or if maybe I slowly started to watch the kind acts of others and take them for what they were. Simple acts of love.
Nothing more. Nothing less.

I have gotten back an old friend of mine that I really hated to see go. I just was not the same without her. And I believe what really helped me get trust back completely was this last month. When we found out about Adam's cancer.
I watched people give so unselfishly.
I saw again that people really are just Good People. That they can be kind and compassionate. That they can see you for who you want to be, and not necessarily see the version of you that you have tried for years so desperately to leave behind. That even though some may barely know you, they want to help. And those that know you very well, are the ones that never leave your side. This is a good feeling. A very good feeling. These past two years started my journey of finding her again and I have been so close for so long. Now I am ready to love without boundaries. To give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Something I have not been able to do in a very long time. Because life is much sweeter this way, after all.

So with that said,

welcome home, old friend.
I've missed you.

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  1. Michelle Bluhm TaylorNovember 10, 2009

    That is a wonderful post. The older we grow, the more our TRUE friends really stand out. What a beautiful tribute to your very lucky and blessed friend.

  2. I love this. It really hits close to home.. but I decided to change my way of thinking by being the kind of person I want everyone else to be. For some reason, it makes it a lot easier to see the good in people, instead of the bad.


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