A Letter To My Son

Connor,

First you were a hope.

A beautiful dream that stayed in my mind and yet, I wasn't sure when you would bless our lives with your arrival.

Then you were a prayer. A prayer that came from the deepest part of our hearts. There wasn't a time that words to God left our lips that the heart of you wasn't on them. And God has always answered our prayers. It may not be our timing, or always the way we imagine it will be, but He always answers.

And then you were a heartbeat.

And I fell in love.

A tiny, perfect little heartbeat. And in a split second, the way I saw the world completely changed.

Now I can feel your tiny hands and tiny feet, and I've never been so physically close to someone and not been close enough. The day I lay my eyes on you, will be one of the greatest days of my life. And I'll hold them all ... hopes, and dreams, and prayers and LOVE all in my arms.

All at once.

We have the highest hopes for you.

That you will live a life with purpose and meaning and give more than you receive. That you will be a man of integrity, a man of character. Not because of what you possess, but because of how you love. I pray that you will be a man of God. That you will seek Him. And find Him.

And let your faith be more than a religion. But let it set fire to the world.

I pray that you won't have pain and heartache, as any mother would, but if you do, ... that you find the strength to endure it. That you come out stronger than you went in. That you learn what is most important in life. Because it isn't how far you get, or happy you are, but how you've made a difference in the lives of those who can never pay you back. So plant trees for others, trees whose shade you will never get to sit in.

I pray that you will someday find a woman who will love God so much more than she could ever love you. A woman who prayed many years for your heart, just like your dad and I did. And I hope that writing your vows before your wedding comes as easily as it did for us. And that keeping those vows is even easier.

And we pray that one day, when you are ready to have a family, ...

and that prayer to God for a child leaves your lips ...

that you might understand , at that exact moment,

how much we longed for you.

And when you hear that heartbeat for the first time, that you might finally be able to grasp, just how much I already loved you.

I believe with all of my heart that you will be

A sweet boy.

A good kid.

A GREAT MAN.

And I can't wait to watch you become him.

And when you are older and we are no longer here with you, I pray that you look back on your life with joy and contentment. That you left nothing on the table. That you gave your life to help and serve others, and in doing so, made a place for yourself among a King. I pray that everyone who knew you will have nothing but good things to say about you. And people will recall your kindness and selflessness when they are recalling the most crucial moments of their lives.

And that you will have no doubts, not one, about whether or not you just lived the life you were given,

or if you truly LIVED.

And if life doesn't turn out to be everything you expected, remember that we are still proud of you. But don't ever give up. Every morning brings new possibilities and God never stops giving second chances. Believe me, I know.

Life isn't always easy. And everyone makes mistakes. But mine was the first heart to ever love you, and I will always, ALWAYS be here for you.

And one last thing son,

If you end up being even half the man your dad is,

I think you'll be just fine.

Love Always,

She Promised Me The World...

I am a lot like my mother. And I assume that when she was thinking about having a daughter and raising her, just like me she probably hoped and prayed to give her the world. I am certain that I will never be the mother that I want to be someday to my daughter, I will never teach her enough, love her enough, give her enough. But I would be lying if I said that I don't know what it looks like to promise someone the world and follow through.

Because my mother did.

A Letter to My Mother

Mama,

From that first moment that I raised my tiny head in that hospital room and looked at you, there has been a connection that I can not describe. And every day since, I have looked up to you, more and more and in different ways. I don't think that a girl ever realizes just how much her mother loves her, until she becomes a woman and dreams of having a daughter of her own. With all that you have gone without to give me, I can only imagine how much you must love me. You have sacrificed more for me than I could ever thank you for, or ever repay.

All of the good inside of me, Mom, it comes from you.

There is no doubt that I am just like you. And I am so proud to have your spirit, your passion, your independence, and even your ankles. :) Because there is no other woman on the face of this earth that I would rather be like. You should be proud. You have succeeded. If when I was in the womb you dreamed of giving me the world, well you did. And if you dreamed of loving me so much that I would one day not even be able to describe it, well you have. And if you wanted me to be proud of you Mom, ... I am.

I have never in my life known someone with as much strength and dedication as you. You are constantly giving of yourself to others until you have nothing left. You never worry about yourself because you are far too busy worrying about everyone else. What other people would call -bending over backwards for people, is just a normal day for you. There has never been one moment in my life, not one, where I needed you and you weren't right there by my side. You never cease to amaze me. And I know that without a doubt, I have learned what kind of woman I want to be, by watching you. You have taught me so much. Sometimes you taught me in words, sometimes in lessons. Sometimes, without even speaking a word, I have learned how to love...from you.


We have a connection that I am certain most mothers and daughters do not have. I get the privilege of not only having you as a mom, but as a friend. And some of my favorite conversations are with you. Somehow you always understand me and you always know, even when I don't say it... you always know. I am so proud of what you have made our family. So many things I love are because of memories that you created. I never hear a Gary Morris or Elvis song without thinking of you. And I think that part of me was sad in Graceland because you weren't there to experience it with me. I never dye an Easter egg without thinking of you, or "cross the Brazos at Waco" without thinking of you. I never play Jeopardy, or eat a lemon, do a crossword puzzle, or say my prayers... without thinking of you.

I am proud of what you have accomplished in the life that you were given. You have worked hard to get to where you are now, respected by so many, and nothing has ever been handed to you. You are always the best at what you do and I have faith in you that no matter what life throws your way, you will always walk through it with your head held high, with such grace and dignity. You always have.

You have taken such good care of us. I have never had anything broken that you couldn't fix, anything hurting that you couldn't heal. I have heard that is just what mothers do, but that is not true. Not all mothers give with their whole heart. Not like you.

Mom, you mean so much to me. And I wish that I could give you something to show you how much I love you. But what do you give to someone, ...

who has already given you the world?

I love you with all my heart,

Headed to Texas

My grandparents. They are adorable. Inseparable.

I love to hear the story about how they met. It is a timeless classic that proves that irresponsible, irrational attraction can grow into love. It is proof that we DO choose who we love. And more than anything, it is proof to me, that true love lasts more than a lifetime,
it lasts far beyond it.

He was in the army. To this day, one of the most stout men I have ever seen. He is strong in every sense of the word. He had that German look to him. Tall, strong, confident. Until the army he had never been outside of Beckville, Texas. All he knew growing up was working in the cotton field for a few cents a day. The war was something new to him, something real and life changing. It made him realize things. It made him want to love.

She was living in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. With big bright eyes and long brown hair, she was watching her parents fall in love with America. Italy was all they had known. Call it fate, call it destiny, call it what you want, but on that one perfect day she decided to go to the park in Pittsburgh with a couple of her girlfriends. Her life would never be the same.

The soldiers pulled up on a bus, coming through that town, and they all gazed out the windows at the people enjoying themselves in the park.

That is when he saw her.

She had her bluejeans rolled up and she was barefoot. She laughed, she ran, she had the most beautiful spirit he had ever seen. So he decided to get off the bus.

Without nerves, without fears, he walked right up to her and asked her where her shoes were. After minutes of talking and laughing with each other, they knew. He asked her - "are you coming to Texas with me, or not?" They joke that he never asked her to marry him, but when she finally grabbed her shoes and headed home to pack, he counts that as a yes.

They have been married 63 years, this year. He still gets teary eyed when he is telling that story. He still remembers it like it was yesterday.

This weekend I watched what love can do. I watched as my grandfather laid in the hospital and my grandmother wouldn't leave his side. I watched a family, that their love created, come together and share laughter and tears. They are two of the most wonderful people I've ever known. And now that my grandfather is healing, my grandmother takes care of him like nothing I have ever seen. Almost like she is taking care of herself. But then again, I guess she is.

I'm so glad she headed to Texas.

My 'Cup Half Full'

I was 21 when I met her.

"Separated at birth", we would joke, because we got to know each others' hearts so well.
Over the years, I've made a lot of mistakes. There are a lot of things that I wish I could go back in time and change. But one thing that I would never change,
is what she became to me.

A Letter to Crystal, my Sister.

Crystal,

I'm not sure if my words will be able to explain to you, how much you mean to me. I feel like we have so much in common, so many experiences that we have been through that make us closer. I look at you, and I see a woman that has come so far. I am so proud of who you are and how you constantly strive to live in such a way that you shine the light of Christ. And the beautiful part is that it is not just in how you live, but in how you love others. You make me want to be a better person. You make me want to be a better wife, and a better Christian. You have taught me so much in the last 5 years.

The memories that I have with you are precious to me. From sitting on your bed laughing at the turtle running on t.v., to letting you show me how you filled up the photo album for Lance. We have laughed together, we have cried together, we have even gotten angry together at McDonald's and their shortage of ketchup. There is not one moment spent with you that I am not encouraged, or benefit in some way just from being around you. You have always helped me to look on the bright side of things and you always leave me in a happier state than I was before you came. I love our conversations. I love that we can talk for hours about spiritual things, about the purpose of life, and changes that we can make for the better. You are such a beautiful person, with such a wonderful view on life, and I don't know what I would do without you.

Thank you for your friendship. Thank you for your willingness to understand me, your honesty always, and your unconditional love ... even when I'm constantly changing. Thank you for always caring so much about my heart and soul. You have always been such a selfless friend. You have done nothing but want to see me succeed and be happy and you've gone to so many great lengths to help that happen. I know, that without a doubt, if I called you at 4 in the morning, you would not only answer, but you would be saying "what took you so long?" There is a quote that says : "Best friends listen to what you don't say" and that is so true. When I don't quite know the words to explain how I feel, you always understand what my heart is trying to say. You've always seen the best in me.

I know that without a doubt, I don't deserve your friendship. And frankly, I don't believe that there is anything that I could do to earn it. But you and God have blessed me with it and I never want to take that for granted. I want you to know that I will always be here for you when you need me. I will always be honest with you, and love you unconditionally. Nothing that you would ever do could make me love you any less. After all, you know the depths of everything I used to be, and everything I still am that I don't want to be, and you still only see the good in me. And you try to understand the parts of me that aren't like you. That is what I want to be for you.

I am so excited about all of the memories that we have to look forward to in our futures. I can only imagine how many more times in my lifetime you will make me laugh until my stomach hurts, because you do something that makes you laugh at yourself until you can't breathe. I can't wait to see how much more I will respect and admire you as we grow older. And how much closer we get. You've been so much to me. You've been my rock, my shoulder, my cup half full.

You are such a beautiful person, and I love you with all of my heart.

From The Inside Out

I first grew to love her because of her quirky dances and her contagious laugh. But it wasn't long at all after I got to see her heart, that I would wish mine was more like hers.

She is an incredibly beautiful person.

My letter to Amy

Amers,

Over the last 5 or 6 years of my life, I have grown to love you so much. I look at you, and I see someone who cares about people until it hurts. Someone willing to sacrifice their own happiness, for the well-being of others. Your heart is truly one of a kind. I admire your unfailing faith for God and the example that you try to be to everyone around you. Some people walk through this life and want to take all of the love they can get, but not you. You Give. I see so much of who I want to be in you. I remember when I came to your apartment in Sugarland after you moved there. I went into the kitchen to get something to drink and on the refrigerator I saw a letter from a little child from somewhere far away that you were sponsoring. I remember thinking - "Wow. So many people talk about how they would like to do this, or wish they had the time, but Amy actually does." I sometimes wonder how your heart even fits inside of that tiny body of yours. ;)

I care about you more than you could ever know. I so badly want all of the happiness in the world for you, the happiness that you deserve. I pray for you all the time that you get to experience joy the rest of your life, not just because you are such a wonderful person, but because of what you have already given so selflessly for others. I can not wait to see all of the wonderful things that God has in store for you and who will have their lives touched by you. I know mine already has been. I wish that we could have gotten even closer than we are now. But you are like a sister to me. You always have been. And nothing will ever change that.

Thank you for all of the ways that you have cared so much about my family. Thank you for always wanting to make us better people. Thank you for your sacrifice, for your pain, for your unconditional love. You may not think that anyone can see these things, but they make up everything that you are. Thank you for the happiness you brought into our lives. For the laughter, for the friendship. I find myself sitting here typing this, knowing that I could never thank you enough. Please, PLEASE know Amy, that you have given of yourself beyond anything I could have ever expected, and that is why I love you so much, ...with all of my heart.

I want you to know how incredibly proud of you I am, for never wavering. For always putting God before anything or anyone else. For seeing the good in people, and knowing their true potential. And wanting to help them reach it. I admire all of those things about you. You have such a beautiful heart. I will always cherish all of the memories that we have made together. Going to concerts together, the Astros game, crazy dances, my bachelorette party, and let's not forget the famous pot roast dinner. I hope that we will make a lot more before our lives are over.

Know that I will always be here for you if you ever need anything. Whether you need someone to listen, someone to share joy with, or just someone to do the "bus driver" with you when you've had a bad day. And know that you are constantly in my prayers. I pray that you will be given so many pieces of the hearts of everyone around you, just like you have given so many of your own.

I love you, Amers.

An Unsung Hero

There are all types of men in the world that people hold up as heroes. Police Men are there to protect us. Firemen are there to save us. Soldiers are there to defend us. And sure, these men have every right to be proud of who they are and what they do. But there is a man in my life that has never received the full credit that he deserves. An unsung hero that has protected, has defended, and has sacrificed everything so that I could one day know what kind of guy to look for as a husband and what kind of dad I want for my children. He has been an example to me all of these years, and now more than ever, I have come to realize how very much I love him.

A Letter to My Dad

Daddy,

I'm not sure if I have ever told you this, but I have thought it many times. I am so proud to be your daughter. I am proud of who you are and the values that you worked so hard to instill in me. In all of my 26 years of life, I have never witnessed you treat my mother with anything but respect and honor. I have watched you work long and hard hours so that our family could be comfortable and safe. I have learned from you, some of the most important lessons in life- like how to have patience, how to control your tongue, and how to tell if a snake is poisonous. ;)

Now that I am grown and understand what it truly means to be true to yourself, I know that you have always been such a selfless man who has never had to pretend to be anything that you are not. You have never held anything over my head to make me feel like I would owe you, or to make me feel like I am putting a burden on you, you always give with all of your heart. It makes me so sad to see other dads that can't have a real, deep, loving relationship with their kids unless they have something empty like sports or cars to talk about. I feel like our relationship goes far beyond the surface of what a father and daughter are suppose to be. When I am upset, you are the calming voice in my ear. When I am hurt, you are the man that I can count on to protect me and defend me no matter what. You truly are my hero in so many ways.

Thank you for showing me that you can be a strong person and also be a quiet, gentle man. Thank you for always loving my mother so much, and showing me that people who have been married for 32 years can really be best friends and that you still look at her with the same light in your eyes that you did the day you got married. Thank you for teaching me how to work for the things that I want and not wait for others to give it to me. Thank you for not ever making me into who you want me to be, but let me find myself ... and still love me.

I'm so sorry for all of the years that I have let slip by that I was too much of a rebellious teen, or too much of a college drama queen to just hold your hand and tell you how much I love you. I enjoy all of the time that I get to spend with you. Whether it is in your truck playing "name that song", at the deer lease fishing, or playing uno (your favorite game..haha), all of those times make me feel loved by you. And that is important. That is something that every little girl and every grown woman needs. I remember one day we were driving in your truck and you told me all about your days as a Highway Patrol officer. You told me about training for that and about your jobs afterward like the one where you wore bluejeans into the interview and said you were ready to work. I remember driving through Athens and you telling me all about Papaw and your family. Those are times where I feel like I get to see the heart of you, and I love those moments.

I know I'm not the best daughter in the world. I know I probably don't call and talk to you enough, or set aside time where it can be just us going shooting or fishing at the river. But my heart never leaves you. And I hope that I have learned enough from you to make you proud. And I hope that Grandma Maurine would be proud of the relationship that you have with me. And I hope that even though you have seen me grow up, walked me down the isle, and watched me become a wife and someday a mother,... I hope that I will always be your little girl.

I love you more than you will ever know.

 

T11 424 - Kentucky...

I was about 6 and a half. He was 9. We were trying to think of games to play in the backseat of the van on our family vacation that summer. So we decided to see who had the best memory. As an eighteen wheeler passed by in the other lane, we looked long and hard at it's license plate. T11424 -Kentucky. Ok, we thought... we will see who can remember this the longest.

Twenty years later .... Neither one of us has ever forgotten.

That is how most of my memories are with him. They will never leave my heart.

A Letter to Taylor, My "Brosis"

Taylor, If I had the chance to go back in time and make our childhood so that we had other siblings, perhaps another sister for me to play dress up with, or another brother, so you could play baseball without someone who would always quit after their turn at bat ;) ... I wouldn't do it. Not for a second. I have always felt so incredibly blessed to be as close with you as I am. We have been best buds since I can remember being alive. You have always given anything for me. I know you would give the shirt off of your back for me. Those home videos of you and me running up the driveway to meet each other after you got off the bus, and I take your lunchbox and carry it for you ...that is how I will always think of us. I'm always really excited when I know I get to be around you. Why? Because most of my favorite memories have you in them.

Thank you for always wanting to protect me. You have always sacrificed so much. I don't know another single little boy who would scratch their new guitar to keep their mischievous little sister from getting in trouble. But you would. That is the kind of heart you've always had. I wish that when the whole world looked at you, and your tough exterior, they could see the you that I get to see.

I'm proud to be your sister. I'm proud to know that you will always be the person I will call when I need to know who sings that stupid song stuck in my head... and you'll know it. I'm proud to know that you've never changed your core, who you are and where you came from. I'm proud to know that my children will someday have a blast around uncle Taylor and they will love you with all of their heart. Just like I do.

You have helped shape who I am in a lot of ways. Whenever I was sad and confused, you were always right there by my side. Remember that time when you were trying to cheer me up and so you told me how mad you get when you walk in a room and try and flip on the light switch, but you miss? And then you try again and miss and you get so angry? That makes me smile just thinking about how hard I laughed. And how much better you made me feel. You always had a way of doing that. There wouldn't be enough blog space in the world for me to remind you of every time we've laughed together. But they are all in my heart. I just can't imagine how sad and lonely my life would have been, without you as my brother. I am incredibly lucky.

And how perfect, does this letter end ... but for you to call me as I'm writing it, and make fun of me because I am crying. And then you make me laugh again. That is typical us. That is just the way I want to leave it. As another story I can someday tell... I love you, Bear.

"To the outside world we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other's hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time."

-Clara Ortega

 

I've been inspired.

Recently, one of my good friends, Doug, has been writing letters to people that he loves and cares about on his blog. The letters are not only a window into his thoughts and heart, but also an inspiration and encouragement to those who read them. Tonight as I was driving home from my late night meeting, I was thinking about all of the people in my life that I would love to write a letter to. And so.. I'm going to completely copy him. (I'm sure you won't mind, right Doug?) ;)

In the next few weeks, I want to take the time to write letters to some of the people that mean the most in my life. I want to be able to tell them things that I don't always get the chance to express and give them a place that they can always come back to and read and remember how I feel about them. They will be in no particular order, just how they kind of flow from my brain. I'm not sure when I will start my first one, or if my blog followers will even want to read these thoughts, but bear with me people... I've been inspired.

A Letter To Theresa ...

Theresa has always told me since she started this blog, that it was OURS. Not just hers, but ours and that I could post something any time I wanted to. So, since yesterday was our One Year Anniversary, I decided that now would be the perfect time to to leave her a letter that she can always come back to and read, year after year.


Heart Of My World,

On Friday, I remembered several times laying on my bunk bed at home, praying to God for a wife. I prayed for her to be a Godly woman and that I trusted Him to choose her for me; that I wanted Him to be with her, to protect her, and watch over her until we met. I wondered what you were doing at the same time, since it was late at night, I remember picturing you sleeping somewhere out there. He completely and truly answered my prayers in ways I never imagined. As if He had all these things to tell me and show me, and He put those things in your heart and in who you are. You are everything that BEAUTIFUL could be. If I didn't have another day to live, I have had the most perfect life because of you. I love you with all of my heart and I always will. You deserve the best, and it is my desire to give that to you. Happy Anniversary!

I Love You,

Adam