I think I broke the wings off that little song bird

Music.

It used to do miracles for me. It could get my blood pumping before a big event, it could heal my heart after a tragedy, and most importantly... it used to play all day in my head, like a theme song to my life to send me on my merry way. I was the girl to all of my friends that found all of the cool bands before everyone, the girl that could remember every line of every song even after the first time I had heard it. There was a song in my heart, I guess you could say, and I could sing it back for the world to hear.

But I don't hear the music anymore. It is missing. The only time that I ever listen to music is in the car now. And that is mostly between phone calls and talk radio. I haven't found a new band that I love in months. I haven't even found a song that I would call a favorite, in over a year.

What has happened to my song bird? Where did she go? Life for me has been filled with incredible memories of music. Since before I was even able to walk properly, my parents would put the Beatles, Elvis, or Gary Morris on the record player and I would scoot all over that living room floor. My family loves music. We love not only the sounds of the instruments, but the poetic genius that we hear in the lyrics. For many, the lyrics are barely even paid attention to, but for my family, the lyrics can be so powerful, they can bring tears to our eyes.

Some of my favorite memories of music include people that I care about. Cleaning house with my mom on the weekends when I was in grade school, I wanted to be just like her. We would put on our matching shirts and dance around the house to whatever we chose for that day. My dad, well, he worked a lot growing up, and so for me, being able to take a trip in the truck with him, even if our destination was only 10 minutes away, would always do my heart good. No matter where we were going, no matter what our moods were, I always knew I could count on my dad to play the "who sings this song?" game with me. It was bonding time. For me, a little girl who desperately loved her dad, it was far more than just a way to pass the time. My brother, well, music runs through his veins. Since before I can even remember, he was strumming on a guitar. You know how siblings fight right? ;) Well, it always seemed to me that no matter how much we fought growing up, no matter how bad it was, music could always bring us back together. If we heard a song we both loved, it was like for that moment, everything else went away and all that was left was the music. I used to go watch him play in his concerts all of the time. I was so proud of him up there on that stage, doing what he loved, and doing it well.... but if only he knew that when he isn't on that stage I'm just as proud. And the memories I have had at professional concerts warm my heart as well. It wasn't long ago that I was watching Josh Groban with my mom, MAE with my best friends, and even The Fray at a concert on Valentines Day when I had no idea that the man who would one day become my future husband was standing there behind me. I have always loved to meet people who have a love and a passion for music like I do, especially the lyrics. To be able to sit down and compare favorite songs of an album and favorite lines of a song with a friend, is one of the highlights of my life so far. It might sound trivial to some of you, but to me, it is art. I was listening to music in the womb and it has stayed in me ever since. That is why today, it brings me great sorrow to be able to say ... I think that I've lost it. To have been such a huge part of who I am for so long, it feels as though it is no longer in my soul. Like music has become to me, just another way to entertain myself when there is nothing more to do. Oh my heavy heart, I think I broke the wings off that little song bird.

"There's a whole lot of singing that's never gonna be heard

Disappearing everyday without so much as a word ....somehow"