My (Not So) Perfect Life .... on Facebook

Last week I came across a blog post called The Facebook Effect.

It's about how women can be so unaware of and ungrateful for their own blessings, thinking that the grass is always greener because of the "perfect" lives that others show on display on social media sites. Specifically, Facebook. You should totally read it after you finish this post. You can find it here.

I loved everything about it. It is so true that we often accumulate feelings towards someone based on assumptions. Based on what we merely THINK their life is like. But we really don't know anyone's individual struggles. I also really liked the last part of the post. The author says:   

 "You see, Facebook is not the place to air your dirty laundry, and most people recognize that. Just because your Facebook friends only post about the "perfect" parts of their life, it doesn't mean that their lives are without imperfections. More than likely, they aren't trying to be misleading. It's just that Facebook is a public forum, and is not an appropriate place to share things of a private or more sensitive nature."

So this got me thinking. I always post about great days we have. Fun things we do. How blessed I am to have married my husband. How awesome my kid is. ;) Sure, I load my blog down with stories of exhaustion and struggles, and let's face it, the not so pretty days. But I reserve these stories for my blog because this is where I've chosen to do so. I know I don't have a ton of readers and most that do read are close friends and family, so I'm not sharing the more private side of my life with all of my facebook friends if I choose not to.

That brought me to the question: Do people think I'm pretending to have a "perfect life" on Facebook? I thought about it long and hard. Am I one of those people where others read about my marriage and roll their eyes, say GAG under their breath, and keep scrolling? Am I one of the people where others read about how much I love being a stay at home mom and on a hard day for them they say "yeah right! like it's that easy!" and get annoyed? 

I mean, we've all seen those funny Ecards that get posted all over the internet and one in particular I remember seeing was - " I hope your life is as PERFECT as you pretend it is on facebook!" .. always followed with comments from the posters like - "Exactly!" or "FOR REAL!" and you can read the bitterness right there in their words. 

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that .... well, if people feel that way, that's really not my problem. I'm going to post the sweet things my son does during the day. I'm going to post what an amazing family I have and how wonderful my husband is. And I'm going to post how much I LOVE being a stay at home mom. I'm going to post it, well, a lot. And there are people who are going to get tired of reading about it. Does it mean my life is perfect? Ha! Well, just take a minute to read my other adventures on this blog and you can see that I have my bad days too. But one thing I have learned as I have grown up and grown as a person is that you can either be jealous of other people's happiness and always try to compete with them and bring them down -or- you can rejoice in their successes, be happy when they have a great marriage and career and when they have fun with their children. Trying to bring others down doesn't bring you up ... making them look like a bad person doesn't magically make you look like a good one. Showing them in an ugly light doesn't make you look any more attractive. And making them feel rotten for their happiness doesn't make your life any better. In fact, all of these things do the exact opposite. As my grandfather used to say - "Blowing out another fella's candle doesn't make yours burn any brighter." Some of the most Godly people I know are those that love to see happiness in others, especially when they are facing trials of their own.

I'm reminded of a quote that says: "Most people do not see the world as it is. They see it as they are." So maybe if we assume that someone is writing something for the world to see, not just out of love and excitement but with different implications behind it, maybe we should ask ourselves ... do I feel this way about them because maybe that is what I DO?

And PDA. That's a whole other subject. I had a friend post a survey once about how people feel about public display of affection toward their loved ones on Facebook. His argument was that you don't have to post it for others to read if your spouse is in the next room. Just go tell them. And that the people who post those things must really have awful marriages and they are trying to mislead everyone into thinking they've got it so good. Though most people disagreed with that position, the ones who agreed were so bitter toward those that do post these things that it almost made me sad. I mean, by all means, if you don't want to wish your spouse a happy birthday and tell them that you love them on Facebook, then don't. But the way I see it is, I tell my husband all the time in private how thankful I am to have him and how much I love him. But as we all know, men need respect and honor from their wives. They need to feel adored and looked up to. What better way to show honor to your husband than to not only tell him in private what you appreciate, but to also let others know what a good man he is and how well he leads your home? Has anyone ever complained about a spouse bragging on them to others? It's always a good feeling to know that your husband or wife is proud enough of you or appreciates you enough that they risk the embarrassment (especially men, am I right?) of posting something mushy on the web. We live in a society now where it's cool to talk badly about your spouse. If you've ever watched Everybody Loves Raymond for more than five minutes, you see that the entire premise of the sitcom is to show what a screw up the husband is, and how annoyed the wife is by him. She bad mouths him to everyone, family, friends, and strangers. Instead, we should lift our spouses up to those around us. And unless we have our own insecurities and are jealous of the love and admiration that others display publicly, it shouldn't bother us when other people do this, even if it's not our thing. If the first thing we assume when reading that someone's husband brought them flowers or cooked them dinner is - they are just trying to act like their life is better than everyone else's - well, I would suggest we question the deeper meaning behind those bitter thoughts and feelings. Do we really just wish our spouse did those things for us? Does it make us mad that people brag on their spouse? And if so, why? Do we secretly wish our spouse bragged publicly on us?.... Does it mean their marriage is perfect? Of course not. (I mean, raise your hand if you have the perfect marriage! Let's see ... there's ...uh... oh, nope? No hands?) And assuming that people are only trying to put on a front by posting things that make them happy on social media sites would be just as wrong as assuming that the reason that those who DON'T post how much they love their spouse is because they don't. And assuming that if they aren't posting how happy they are, it's because they aren't.

Here's the thing. At the end of the day, the person who hurts is not the one who exaggerated how amazing their date night with their spouse was and how delicious their $200 meal and dessert overlooking the ocean was because they were still on a love and chocolate high when they posted it on Facebook. The only person who is hurting themselves, is the one sitting at home grumbling about so-in-so's posts and their "perfect life" with bitterness in their heart.   

So what conclusion have I made from all of this analyzing happiness on Facebook? Here goes:

There are SIX types of people when it comes to Facebook....

1. There are those who have perfect lives and they want you to know it on Facebook.

1. There are those who are going to post about joys way more than struggles on Facebook. Be happy for them. It's great that they have a good marriage, healthy children, a good job, etc. God has blessed them beyond measure and they want to share it. They don't believe their life is perfect and believe me, they aren't trying to persuade you that it is.

2. There are those who are happy for the people who post their successes and blessings on Facebook, but it's just not for them and they would rather keep those things to themselves. Totally understandable. 

3. There are those who post spiteful jokes about people's "perfect lives" and tell all of their friends how they can't stand hearing about so-in-so's new car and how funny their husband is, and how adorable their kid is. Pray for those people. They are more than likely unhappy with their own lives.

4. There are those people that just don't want to hear it! Ugh. Give them a break. They don't want to hear all about when your child gets first place at the track meet and your husband leaves you a cute surprise in your car. Come on. They would much rather just follow Paris Hilton on Twitter and hear about what she's wearing to dinner. Is that too much to ask? 

5. There are those who hate when other people post those "perfect" things on Facebook, and are totally unable to take a look within and see that while they are complaining about others, they are also posting how great their life is! And probably way more often than the people they complain about! Oops! 

6. There are those who are going to read this and say, you know what, maybe I could be a little less judgmental with those people. Good for them who share their joy with the world. They are proclaiming God's love and faithfulness with every mention of another prayer that has been answered. And why should it bother me? I'm blessed as well.

So which one of these people are you?

{photos from wehearit.com}

Dear Me: A Letter To My Teenage Self

{picture from weheartit.com}

Over at Chatting At The Sky, I saw that Emily Freeman was encouraging her peers to write a letter to their teenage selves as a way to introduce her new book Graceful, so I thought I would join in and link up! Sounds like fun, right? Or cathartic, nonetheless.

I've written a letter somewhat like this in the past, but now that I am at a very different place in my life {a mother}, I realize I have so much more to say to myself! So .. here goes nothing.

Dear Teenage Me,

Clear your mind of everything you think is important. Erase it. Being the head cheerleader. Who you are going to the Homecoming dance with. What that girl said about you in Algebra class. Forget it. Today those things seem bigger than life. You will lose sleep over them. You will think that those things make up your character. But don't be fooled. They mean nothing in the grand scheme of things.

Once you get out into the real world, you will find that what matters is how you treat people. How you love them. How you forgive. What is important is your faith and how it is used as a tool, as an example for the lives of others. Your family, and how much quality time you can spend with them before you no longer have the chance. When you get older, you will no longer get to see your grandparents as often because of distance. Don't let that stop you. See them as much as you can. Hug their necks as tight as you can. And don't just smile and nod when they tell you those stories of being barefoot in the park on the day they met. Listen. Really listen.

What is also important are your friendships that you build. The girl that you are in constant competition with now, well, believe it or not, you guys will end up really good friends in your late twenties. You will find out that you and her have more in common than you ever thought. So be kind to her now. Don't let your own insecurities and jealousy get in the way of a beautiful friendship. In fact, nip that in the bud now while you have a chance. Life is not a competition. Rejoice in the success of others and be happy for them. Don't envy their lives. Don't try to live up to what others do or what they have. You are the only version of you that will ever be created. Be content in who you are. What you look like. What you are talented at. Be at peace with you. The earlier you learn this, the better. I'm afraid you don't catch on before your mid twenties, but oh, how I wish you would.

That emptiness you feel inside, yeah I remember it. The one you try to fill with guys that disrespect you and treat you like dirt? That space is for God to fill. Stop trying to let someone else make you happy. It doesn't work. Get out of the abusive relationships. Be brave. Don't look back. You will eventually get to feel what love really feels like. This is not it. And this will take its toll on you. I'm sorry, but it does. It leads you down a path of low self esteem and it spirals out of control. Some of your worst characteristics as an adult stem from this portion of your life. Though, I wouldn't want you to change any of it. It led us here. Just take heart. Know that it passes. You get through it. You learn. You eventually heal that part of your soul and you feel love.

It's coming, hold on.

Right now, you couldn't get farther away from your brother, I know. I mean, eww, he's your brother, right? Right now you are too cool to hang out with him. To try to understand him. You will soon realize he is one of the best friends you will ever have. You will be there for each other through thick and thin. Some of your favorite moments of your life ... will be with him. And nothing can come between the two of you and break that bond. You are there for each other when you need each other most. And as "cool" as you think you are now, you will soon realize that he's always been a lot cooler than us, let's face it.

 

More than anything, be hopeful. I can tell you, life when you get here, and meet up with me, is glorious. You find a man that thinks you are worth marrying, flaws and all. I know you don't believe me now, but it's true. He helps you work through all of the pain from your past, and doesn't leave your side. He helps heal you. And once you're healed he makes you his wife and he gets to see the best parts of you, deep inside. You don't deserve him, don't get me wrong, but he's worth all of the heartache you are going to feel on the road to finding him. Every time you think you've really messed up, don't be too hard on yourself. Sometimes mistakes lead you to the best endings.

And the family you have always wanted? Well, I can't tell you how many children you will end up with, but I know for a fact that you will one day feel your heart overflow with joy because you make a sweet little boy laugh. It's the best feeling in the world. This is what I'm trying to tell you. All of the worries you have now, about your skin and your weight and what everyone thinks of you ... it's all petty. When you are sneaking up on thirty, you will go out in public with spit up on your shoulder and sweet potatoes in your hair. You won't have on any makeup and will have some weight from your pregnancy left on your hips. But it won't matter. The little boy you will have in your arms will make you so incredibly proud, it won't matter one bit what you look like. It's the beauty of motherhood. You stop being so self centered and your life becomes centered around someone else. You'll love it. Dirty diapers and all.

So I will make this easy for you, and sum it all up.

Replace all of those unimportant things in your life with things that matter. With God, with family, with true friendships, and with studying. (By the way, you are going to lose at Trivial Pursuit every time you play it, at least until you are 30. Just get used to it).

Don't worry so much about what people think of you. It won't matter. Your idea of success when you get older won't be how popular you are or how many guys want to date you. It will be the happiness you have in your marriage, the love you feel with your son, the friendships you've acquired over the years, and most importantly, the name you have as a Christian.

Live for others. If you are constantly living to find your own happiness, you very seldom will. But if you devote yourself to charity work and giving to others, you will find all kinds of joy. You've got a long way to go, but you'll look back and smile on your journey, I promise.

And never, ever, forget you are loved.

One of "those" Moms.

Passing Judgement.

I did it all the time before I became a mother.

I can still hear those words ringing in my head. "I will NEVER be one of those moms....".

Yep. I said it.
And boy did I mean it.

I will never be one of those moms whose kid has on a dirty outfit when they go out in public.

I will never be one of those moms whose baby doesn't have on any socks when it is 50 degrees outside.

I will never be one of those moms whose child throws a screaming fit in the grocery store.

and yes, even this one -

I will NEVER, EVER be one of those moms who gets on Facebook and Pinterest and Blogs after I have a baby.

After all, I am supposed to be spending every waking moment with my child, right?

Well, let me just take this opportunity right now to publicly apologize to ANY and EVERY mother I have ever judged. My statements now seem quite ... comical.

And for those of you who are beating yourself up for things not going the perfect way you've always planned after you have a child, I'm here to tell you, IT'S OK.

IT'S OK that your child has on a dirty outfit. People are going to judge you. But they don't know that they left the house in a clean and cute outfit, only to spit up on it on the way to the store leaving you completely clueless because their car seat is turned backwards and apparently nobody in America can make a mirror to fit your seats so that you can see them. It is now dried, and there you are scrambling to get in the store while licking the only burp cloth you brought with you (filled with today's regurgitation) and scrubbing it like a mad woman to get it clean before you get to the entrance.

IT'S OK that your baby doesn't have on any socks. People are going to judge you. But they don't know that your baby is incredibly hot natured and just came in from sitting in a hot car seat that you tried your very best to keep cool by blasting your air conditioning all the way there and giving yourself frost bite.

IT'S OK that you are now that mom whose kid is throwing the crying screaming fit at the check out in the grocery store while you are completely frazzled, with 15 people in line behind you because none of the other bazillion lanes are open, while you juggle all of your items from the cart to the counter, smiling nervously, trying to dig for another pacifier in your diaper bag - other than the one you accidentally let fall on the ground earlier- all while sweating and running your fingers through your hair wondering "how long has this applesauce been in here?" People are going to judge you, but really, IT'S OK. They have no idea that you are just trying to pick up a few items along with your baby's medicine for his ear infection which is causing him to cry, on top of the fact that he's hungry because you just spent an extra hour in the doctors office that you didn't plan on.

And sure. You will be judged as soon as someone sees a post on facebook, a pin on pinterest, or a post on blogger. They will think - "don't they have a 4 month old baby to tend to?? Where do they get this time?" But it's OK.

They don't know that you are at home with your baby 24 hours a day talking in the most high pitched voice to ever be heard, making the silliest faces that you vowed you would never be caught dead making, listening to kids songs over and over that make you want to pull your hair out, all while constantly lifting a kid that weighs as much as kids 3 times his age, playing with toys that make music and beeping and buzzing and rattling sounds, switching from tummy time to on the knees, reading stories and going for walks in strollers, blowing raspberries on their tummies and dancing around looking absolutely ridiculous only to make them laugh... UNTIL you finally put them down for a nap... look around at your clean laundry, your picked up house, and your meat thawing for dinner and think - I'm going to grab some pretzels and a coke and get on ... ahh... pinterest.

Or in my case now, I'm going to rant in an unbelievably long blog post.

Or when your husband gets home from work and wants to get on the floor and play with them and you take a great shot that you want to post on facebook. It's ok that you took the time to do those things.

You see, it's true. Like the article floating around everywhere in social media this week says - Your kids want YOU.

But they don't want the cranky and stressed you. They don't want the frazzled and frustrated you.

They want the creative you. The inspired you. The motivated you.

And if that means taking the time when they are napping, playing with daddy, or whatever doesn't interfere with time you would be spending with them, and finding some inspiration, then I say go for it. Let everyone judge you.

Only you, God, and ultimately your child know how good of a mom you are. Nobody keeps a record of the times you sang them the Fruits of the Spirit song, took them outside and taught them about caterpillars and butterflies, or flew them around like an airplane while your back was killing you. Nope. No records of how much they've learned about music or colors, or how loved they feel. All that the judgemental and cynical people will remember is that dirty outfit, those sockless feet, that screaming fit, and that crazy long blog post. Poor neglected baby.

And that's OK.

Because what other people think never really mattered much to mothers and their children anyway.

LOVE DOES.

So be "one of those moms", and be ok with it. The kind that laughs while your kid squeals in a silent crowded restaurant. The kind that still thinks your baby is the most beautiful thing you've ever laid eyes on ... even with spit up on their onesie. The kind that takes time for themselves ... to find their inspiration and creativity to bring back to the day's activities. To pass on to your kids.

Be the kind of mom who raises a child to laugh and play and love and find beauty in everything, and that makes people wonder - How in the world did his mom have enough time to raise such an amazing kid?

P.s. This post was written while my child took a nap. Don't judge me. :-)

Not Your Average Resolution

Yeah. Yeah. Diet. Exercise. Watch less TV. Cut back on caffeine.

We've all got those same old Resolutions year after year.

But this year, I started reading a book called The Resolution For Women. So far, I am loving it and it is really challenging me to grow as a woman and to make my life more radiant. Here are my resolutions this year:

1. I resolve to embrace my current season of life and will maximize my time in it. I will resist the urge to hurry through or circumvent any portion of my journey but will live with a spirit of contentment.

2. I will champion God's model for womanhood in the face of a post feminist culture. I will encourage its support by my sons and teach it to my future daughters.

3. I will accept and celebrate my uniqueness, and will esteem and encourage the distinctions I admire in others.

4. I will live as a woman answerable to God and faithfully committed to His word.

5. I will seek to devote the best of myself, my time, and my talents to the primary roles the Lord has entrusted to me in this phase of my life.

6. I will be a woman who is quick to listen and slow to speak. I will care about the concerns of others and esteem them more highly than myself.

7. I will forgive those who have wronged me and reconcile with those I have wronged.

8. I will not tolerate evil influences even in the most justifiable form, in myself or my home, but will encourage and embrace a life of purity.

9. I will pursue justice, love mercy, and extend compassion towards others.

10. I will be faithful to my husband and honor him in my conduct and conversation in order to bring glory to the name of the Lord. I will aspire to be a suitable partner for him to help him reach his God-given potential.

11. I will demonstrate to my children how to love God with all of their hearts, minds, and strength, and will train them to respect authority and live responsibly.

12. I will cultivate a peaceful home where everyone can sense God's presence not only through acts of love and service but also through the pleasant and grateful attitude with which I perform them.

13. I fully resolve to make today's decisions with tomorrow's impact in mind. I will consider my current choices in light of those who will come after me.

My Daily Dose of Inspiration : Baron Batch

I am so glad that my co-worker showed me this video at lunch today!

What an inspiring guy.

You should probably take the time to check out his blog too.
Here is a post that gave me chills and brought tears to my eyes.
It really makes you think...

"Maybe nothing we do matters at all.........but....... what if everything does?"

Pretty Little Lies: Life Will Be Better When I'm Skinny

Malarkey.

But you know what? This is one lie that us women tend to believe, isn't it?

Our lives and thoughts get consumed with dieting and exercising, not to be healthy, but to be skinny. Why?

Because we seem to think that we can't live life to the fullest or for some reason we will be more valuable, have more fun, or feel more love if we are skinnier.

It's just not true.

A lot of times, this lie can confuse us because we know that self-esteem is the key and yet we aren't certain that we can even have a good self esteem if we are not skinnier than we are right now. And I'm not just talking about really overweight people. This problem is spreading like wild fire to all sizes of women. Size 14's want to be size 10's. Size 10's want to be size 6's. Size 6's want to be size 2's. And size 2's? Well, they want to be invisible. We are never satisfied because we search for some kind of fulfillment in a jean size.

So tell me, what do you expect to happen when you fit into your size 2's?

Is prince charming going to magically knock on your door? Are you going to get that promotion you have been wanting at work? Are your friends going to all of a sudden be drawn to you and want to hang out 24/7 because you are the coolest chick around?

Well, no. Probably not.

In fact, more than likely just the opposite will happen. You see, you will more than likely be so wrapped up in losing weight and eating like a bird that your prince charming will turn the other way. Most guys like the girls that are secure in themselves the way they are. Happy with who they are and aren't afraid to have fun at the fair and eat cotton candy or a turkey leg while getting sick on the tilt-a-whirl. Besides, guys like the feminine curves of a woman. They are what make us a woman. Well, ok, so not ALL that make us a woman, but you know what I'm getting at. Does Marilyn Monroe ring a bell? Come on ladies, she wasn't a toothpick. And the guys that only fall for the smaller chicks? Well, they are shallow anyway. Next please.

Your job? You are likely not to get that big promotion because your focus won't be where it needs to be. You will be more worried with counting calories than counting clients and running off to get to the gym instead of staying late to finish up that important project.

And your friends?.....come on. Who are we kidding here? Your true friends might be excited for you and feel motivated to follow in your footsteps. But we are women. Here are a few words that come to mind when I think about women in general ... Drama. Cat fights. Gossip. and yes, the dreaded J word.

Jealousy.

None of your friends who are struggling with their weight and self image are going to want to buddy up to you when you are constantly discussing your work out routine, your protein shakes, your lunch consisting of an apple and tomato, and your experience in the juniors section at Macys. That is going to annoy them. Again, I'm not talking about wanting to be healthy and be a good size for your height. Those are things friends tend to be supportive of. I'm talking about your never ending journey to look like Kelli Ripa so that you can wear your 14 year old daughter's blinged out pajama jeans. Get ready for lonesomeville.

So my point?

Make a goal to be healthy. But find your value in the intellectual, emotional, spiritual part of who you are. Not the physical. Life doesn't get better just because you lost 20 lbs. Trust me. It usually tends to get better because when you lose that 20 lbs, you feel better about yourself because you think you are more likeable. Then, you start to smile more, are kinder to strangers, and seem to have a more positive outlook on life. You attract people. See how that works? Because of how you feel. Because it was right there deep down in your heart anyway, just waiting to come out. Not because of how you look.

I'm not going to tell you that eating healthy and moderate exercise aren't going to do a lot of things for you. Because they will. They will boost your immune system, give you more energy, keep you from getting certain types of cancers, and even help keep your skin and hair healthy. Stuff like that. So those things are good for you, without a doubt. But don't make that the primary focus of who you are. Don't let your size determine your happiness. Let your worth lie in more than just your jean size.

"Be more than just the sum of your parts." -Flipped

After all, nobody's tombstone is going to read : Here Lies Sally. She wasn't too great of a mother or grandmother. Never really there when her friends needed her. But she had a smokin' body.

Or at least, let's hope not.

That "harmless" little killer.

I could have been like my Dad.

Laid back. Always calm. Always cool. Never worried.

My dad has such a calm spirit about him. In fact, I can only remember two times in all of my life that I have ever seen my dad angry. One of those times is when my brother and I proceeded to pillow fight while my grandparents were over after my dad told us not to. The other, was an instance where I put a fork covered in peanut butter in the dishwasher. It makes me laugh to think about it, now ... and even then, he wasn't really all that mad.

And worried? Well, to tell you the truth, I've never seen my dad worried. Not once. Not in the slightest. Everything that happens has some kind of logical answer, will fix itself, or isn't really a reason to worry in the first place. I love this about my dad. I know he is level headed and that if I need to talk to someone about a stressful situation, he's my guy.

But I'm not like my dad.

I'm like my mom. And bless her heart, she stresses. But before I elaborate on that, I feel like I need to explain why.

You see, my mom is selfless. She is a people pleaser. She wants everyone to be happy. I can't even tell you how many Holiday Meals have been spent with everyone at the table enjoying their food while my mom was running around the kitchen making sure that everyone's drinks were filled and their plates were full. She is giving. She is thoughtful and considerate. She would spare her comfort so that everyone else could have theirs. She has always been that way. Not that my dad isn't a giving and selfless man, because he is. But he just does it in a different way. My mom stresses. And she hurts when other people hurt. Which, I got from her as well. Which means she worries herself sick when one of her children has an illness, or she hasn't heard from a friend in a while. And she hates for people to be upset with her. It tears her up inside, all the while, pretending like it really doesn't bother her.

I'm like my mom.

And today, as I was driving home from work, I was thinking about stress. Not because I am feeling it right now so much, but because my Relays are about to begin... and every year, I try to make everything work out perfectly and make everyone happy and figure out where that extra $40,000 is going to show up from in order to make my goal, to the point that I break myself down physically and emotionally. I let myself get so busy that I almost forget to take care of things in my personal life, like paying bills or going grocery shopping.

But this year,

I refuse to stress.

Not because I am going to work less or not try as hard. No way. I'm still giving my 100% to my job. I'm blessed to have this job. In fact, the other day I was asked by a medical professional what I do for a living and quietly waited for my answer like it was going to be lame. But when I told her that I worked for the American Cancer Society her face lit up, and her eyes got big, and she said - "Wow. That's great. What a fantastic job to have." Yep, I'm lucky to have my job, and it won't be because I slack off that I don't stress this year. But because I refuse to stress. It's a choice. It's not something that my circumstances or those around me make me do. I choose to stress. It's me. And with all of the illnesses that can be brought on by stress, and thinking about how many years I can take away from the length of my life just by stressing, not to mention the happy moments I take away in the WIDTH of my life .... I'm not doing it.

I refuse.

I'm going to think of my dad. I'm going to strive for his calm spirit. Knowing that you can only do in a day, what you can do in a day. And I'm going to pray for wisdom and patience and say one of my favorite verses over and over again in my head.

Philippians 4:6-7.

And I've already started fighting back against stress this year, so I am ready!

Here are some things I am doing to make sure that my body and soul reacts accordingly to my most stressful time of the year:

Eating Healthy.

The truth is that what we eat can help us cope with stress. Unhealthy eating puts stress on your body as it contributes to heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, obesity and other health conditions. When your body is stressed, your emotional state becomes increasingly fragile as well. I've made a decision. It started because of medical reasons, but I'm making it my lifestyle because of health and personal reasons (not religious or political reasons)- I'm officially a Vegan. And it's great. I feel wonderful. Do I miss milk, you might ask? Not so much. Because blueberry Special K cereal in a bowl of vanilla soy milk... is Yum.

Exercising.

Exercise releases chemicals in your brain that help promote feelings of well being. Physical activity can provide you with an outlet for frustration and stress. Even a brisk 30 minute walk in the morning can make you feel ready for the day! I start my day off with either Zumba, 30 Day Shred, or just walking and some weights. You might have to wake up earlier to fit it in, but it is well worth a stress-free day all day!

Getting good sleep QUALITY.

I always thought it was how MUCH sleep you get that mattered, but that's not entirely true. Poor sleep quality increases ragged emotional states and can lead to increased stress. Working to relax before bed time can improve the quality of your sleep.

and lastly... just a few little tricks that help me relax...

like -being more aware of my breathing and taking deeper breaths, listening to my favorite music, taking bubble baths, laughing with my co-workers (thanks Ashley and Karla!), reading before bed,

and last but certainly not least -

Remembering to be like my dad. :)

So let the Relays begin!!

[And stress AND cancer can both EAT MY DUST. ]

More Than A Status Update.

I just finished reading an amazing book called Seeds: A Memoir by Dr. Sasha Vukelja. I have an appointment to see Dr. Vukelja (who is a hematologist) later this month and I had heard that this book was nothing short of inspirational. And it was true.

Something that has been playing over and over in my mind in the recent days after finishing the book, was a specific chapter in which she talks about the cancer patients that she meets on a regular basis and their attitudes. Some that expect their treatments and cancer journey to be fairly easy, and some that don't expect to live longer than the next six months. All of that talk about mortality and "seizing the day" really got me thinking.

What does it mean to truly Live?

I don't necessarily mean the purpose of our existence. But more the question of : when I come to the end of my life ... whenever that may be ... will I honestly be able to say that I lived?

Someone once said - "Do not fear death, rather, fear the unlived life."

Everyone has a different definition of a fulfilling life. For some, it would mean that they dedicated themselves to the service of others, constantly focused on helping orphans and the homeless. For others, it would mean that they got to travel the world. Learning everything they can about different cultures and people, leaving their mark everywhere they go. There are also those that dream about being parents, teaching their children everything they can about God's love, the beauty that surrounds us, and what it means to forgive. To each of us, living is a different feeling.

And I must confess. I am a little fearful of looking back on my life and being disappointed in myself for not only wasting so much time on things that do not matter, but also wishing that I had done more to touch the lives of others. I sometimes lay in bed at night and wonder if I would feel differently if I talked to every stranger I passed on the street. Just said one nice thing to them to make them smile. Or volunteered at a children's home, or traveled to Sicily and researched my family tree. I have so many ideas of what it would mean to live that I wouldn't be able to do them all in this lifetime.

You know what I think hurts us?

Technology.

I know what you are thinking. "Well, I wouldn't even be reading this now if it weren't for technology." Point well taken. ... But I'm serious.

We are so occupied in this day and age with what other people are doing, that we aren't doing anything ourselves. We watch countless television shows that may or may not be real stories and get so caught up in the plot and characters' lives that our own are passing us by.

Or we are so used to sitting for hours scrolling through facebook to see which friend is going to the game tomorrow and which friend just broke up with her boyfriend. All the while, time doesn't stop for us. We might as well type in our own status boxes -"wasting precious minutes of my own life by following every second of yours."

I'm guilty of it too. Boy, am I guilty.

And that is why I want to change it. I've always told myself how incredibly sad it must be to not be able to tell someone your grandmother's favorite flower or your husbands favorite childhood memory, but you can tell someone the favorite food of the monkey on Friends. (Ok. So no, I've never actually made that exact statement, but you get the point.)

Are we living?

Better yet, are we living our lives ...

or are we just a character in someone else's while ours are passing us by?

Make yours something more than a sitcom or a status.

Make it something that will LIVE ON long after you are gone.

"My life has been the poem I would have writ, but I could not both live and utter it."

-Henry David Thoreau

Keep in the sunlight.

Some of your hurts you have cured,
And the sharpest you still have survived,
But what torments of grief you endured
From the evil which never arrived.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson


I am an anxious person.

And that might be the understatement of the century.

I've gotten a lot better than I used to be, but I still over-analyze everything. And I'm a people pleaser. If I tell someone that I will be there at 4pm and I'm running 5 minutes late, I stress about it. If I playfully make a joke and the other person doesn't laugh, I wonder if they are upset with me. If I didn't order those two shirts that were on my to do list, I can't sleep wondering if my volunteers are going to be disappointed.

It's awful, really.

The worst part is that I usually tend to stress out about things before they even happen. I know it physically takes a toll me. And it really can't be good for the soul. I mean, I know it is good to want to be someone that people can count on, someone that always has the right things to say ... but stress and anxiety can also steal your heart away from God.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7

It was easy when we were kids, remember?

My days consisted of playing Legos with my brother, eating candy, and swallowing myself in stuffed animals on my bed when it was time to go to sleep. We didn't have things like bills, and jobs, and... well, REAL LIFE to worry about. All we had were big dreams.

But I've thought about it long and hard this weekend. And I've realized that all worry and anxiety is, ... is the reflection of lack of trust I must have in God and his plan. And the thought of that, is a lot harder to swallow than disappointing a volunteer, being late on a bill, or accidentally hurting someone's feelings.
I don't trust God enough.

I'm really ashamed.

Especially because of the fact that I'm not doing this alone. Not only do a have an amazing husband supporting me, a great family and some of the best friends, but I have comforting words from God himself that I am supposed to take to heart, but never have.

“An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.”
-Proverbs 12:25

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
-1 Peter 5:6-7

“Then Jesus said to his disciples: ‘Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?”
-Luke 12:22-26

“Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.”
-Psalm 42:5


So from this point on, I'm finished with stress and anxiety. I DO trust that God will provide for me and take care of me. I realize that sometimes in life I will disappoint people, I won't always have the right things to say, my job won't always be easy, and I won't be able to finish the laundry and cook a healthy meal when I get home from one of my late night meetings.
But tomorrow will still come.

People that truly care about me will always be in my life, my volunteers will understand that I try my best, and my sweet husband ... bless his heart, fortunately, he doesn't mind eating pop tarts and jalapeno chips for dinner a couple of nights a month when I'm not here. :)

This time, I have a feeling, will be a success.

This time, I'm not just getting rid of my stress and anxiety for my own health, to make my life easier, to be a good example to our children someday, or so that I can sleep easier. Though all of those sound really good...

This time, I'm getting rid of it in order to show how much
I trust my God.

Because anyone who has any faith in God, has no reason to worry.

What Lies Behind Your Smile?

I don't condone MTV. In fact, I remember the days when it used to be exactly what it stood for; Music Television. I remember when all it played were music videos and interviews with artists. Now it is filled with shows that deceive our youth and corrupt their thoughts of what is right. Filled with shows that lie to hearts making them think that it is glamorous to be a teenage mother out of wedlock and that living in a house with strangers, getting drunk and sleeping around, will fill that void that they could never fill. No, I can't say that I applaud anything that MTV has on the air...
Except for one show. 
It is called If You Really Knew Me.
I was looking for different movements that are currently going on in our country like -"To Write Love on Her Arms" and "Operation Nice" and I came across information about this show. The students have what is called "Challenge Day" at their school. On this day, they learn about the pain and heartbreak that has gone on in the lives of other kids that they go to school with every day. And then by starting off with 'If You Really Knew Me...' they tell about theirs. And sitting there and learning about these hurts of others and feeling compassion, they are challenged to stop the judgments that they make. They are challenged to break apart their normal "cliques" and to love everyone the same. 
Something about the idea of this show spoke to me. So I watched a couple of episodes. It was funny, really, I went into it thinking that I would see what kind of lessons youth watching this show would learn, and yet, I learned a lesson just the same. A lesson that I need to be reminded of so often. And as I watched, I felt myself taking on the pain of different students in the circle. I took on the pain of the kind of kids that I probably didn't understand in High School. The kids I probably didn't even try to get to know. And I felt ashamed of myself. So much so that it made me start to think of who I might still treat like that today, as an adult. Who do I judge because of how they act or things they say, and yet, I have no idea where their pain is coming from and who has hurt them to make them this way. 
And I took on the pain of the girl sitting in the circle that everyone perceived as perfect. The girl that it took everything she had to convince everyone that just because she was Homecoming Queen that it didn't mean that she didn't feel lonely. And it didn't mean that she thought she was better than everyone else. And sitting there with that lump in my throat, I thought about how more than anything, it didn't mean that this girl wasn't going to completely break one day, and in her heart, wish that more than anything she could give back that ridiculous title if it meant that she didn't feel so empty inside. 
Just watching this show, I wanted to be there in this gym and just hug these children. I wanted to be able to squeeze them as tight as I could and tell them how to trade in their pain for joy. After all, I was once just like all of them. And it makes me wonder how many people are out there today, just hurting and covering it up with smiles and jokes. And how many people just like them are getting out of their beds in the morning and ignore the person in the mirror to go and place judgments on everyone else. If we really knew these people, and what kind of sadness and loss they have had to endure in their lives, would that change the way we see them? 
It makes me wonder.
If You Really Knew Me ........

You would know that I was a victim of dating violence and other abuse.

You would know that I have struggled with depression and insecurity.

You would know that I longed to feel love from my father.

You would know that I watched someone who was like a brother to me die.

You would know that I've hurt so many people because I couldn't trust.

You would know that I have felt empty.
But, If You REALLY Knew Me ......

You would know that I am forgiven.

You would know that I have found peace and joy in my God.

You would know that the things I have struggled with, I have sought help for and I have overcome.

You would know that I am grateful for these things because they have taught me compassion.

And you would know that I love you. Flaws and All.

I once was blind.

You see, here's the thing.

Sometimes things get hard. People let you down.

But there is a lesson to be learned in every day.

You can go through your day and only take away the negatives. That people ran all over you. They didn't hold the door, they didn't say thank you. They cut you off in traffic, they were deceitful and cruel. They abuse their power and break your spirit.
And they do it all for selfish reasons.

But if you really want to challenge your ability to love ....
... you can let them.

And you can find in yourself

The heart of a servant.

"You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have?" - Matthew 5:43-46

Ever feel like this?? ....