Measure of a Woman: Part 2

"Surround yourself with people who are going to lift you higher." - Oprah Winfrey

With this month being Breast Cancer Awareness & Domestic Violence Awareness month, I have been thinking a lot about how blessed I have been to be able to work in the Non-Profit field for the six years after college, before I became a stay at home mom. The experiences that I have had and the people I have met have inspired me to change my main focus in life from seeking only my own happiness to trying to make a difference in the lives of others. They have taught me that this life is so much bigger than just me and if I don't give of my time and heart to others, I'm wasting a lot of it. I can no longer imagine a life deprived of volunteer work and the experiences that it brings.

With that being said, I decided to dedicate this post to 5 Women that I know, who have inspired me beyond belief. Their stories and their passion will amaze you. Thanks to these women, many people wake up to a brighter, more beautiful life every day. I really might have to turn this into a series, because fortunate for me, I know several women who have inspirational lives, and I would love to be able to introduce you to all of them, but for now I will start with these five. Five of the most truly giving and hopeful women I know.

Kristine



I first met Kristine Weaver when I began working at the American Cancer Society in January of 2009. The things I initially knew about Kristine were that she was the Government Relations Director for the East and Central Texas areas, and that she was a powerful advocate for the ACS Cancer Action Network. What I didn't initially know about Kristine, but came to learn, is that at 24 years old and a mother of three, she was told that she had stage IV colon cancer and that she had 3-6 months to live. She didn't let the news of the diagnosis defeat her. Instead, she thought about all of the things that she wanted to experience with her daughter and two sons, and fought and won her battle with cancer. Kristine has now celebrated 18 birthdays since the day she was told of her diagnosis. I have seen her work incredibly hard to ensure that our legislators make cancer a top national priority. I had the privilege of sitting down with Kristine one day for lunch before I left the ACS, and she was still just as optimistic and motivational as she was the day I first met her. Kristine has a sweet spirit, and when you combine that with passion and courage, you get a woman that others aspire to be like. Thank you, Kristine, for all you do for the American Cancer Society. Whether you realize it or not, you not only effect the lives of those who have been touched by cancer, but the lives of people who are looking for someone to admire and challenge them. I know without a doubt that you challenged all of us in the ETX Region to be better every day!  

Vicki

My life was blessed the day I met Vicki Barber. What a faithful woman. Before I ever met her and her son, Dylan, I heard their story and was immediately inspired. Dylan is battling Leukemia. Because of the type of chemotherapy treatment that he had to undergo, he also ended up with avascular necrosis. He has had to have blood drives and bone marrow aspirations. Despite everything that this family is going through, I have never seen either of them without those beautiful smiles on their faces. Not only do they endure the constant doctor visits and treatments, but they make it a point to go and visit and support other children going through the same thing. You don't meet a lot of people in life who have to go through such trials, who also give so much of their time and their hearts to others facing the same things. Vicki encourages others on facebook almost every day with inspirational words and Bible verses and Dylan is a hero in their community. Those of us who are continually trying to find a cure always talk about hope.  Well, if hope had a face, I think it might look a lot like Vicki Barber's.

Sondra

I first met Sondra White in College Station, TX back in 2004. I signed up to be a "buddy" for a child playing Challenger Baseball through Project Sunshine. The young child with Down Syndrome that I got to "buddy", and who completely stole my heart, was six year old Quentin, Sondra's son. I haven't seen Sondra in years, but her impact that she has made for Texas A&M as the Marketing Communications Manager, and all of her volunteer work for the Down Syndrome Association of Brazos Valley is evident all over the social media that we use to keep in touch. Just in the last month she has raised over $3,000 for the Down Syndrome Association of BV because people can't help but love her and her precious son, Q. There are just some people in this world that were born to make a difference, and you can tell that Sondra is one of those people. If you would like to help Quentin reach first place for the 9th Annual Buddy walk, you can find out how: here.

Cassie

I met Cassie McQuitty back in 2006 when I worked as a legal advocate and law enforcement liaison for women and children of domestic violence and sexual assault. At the time, Cassie was working in the police station in Mabank, Tx giving hope and safety to women who were trying to get away from their abusers. Immediately I admired and respected Cassie for her strong work ethic and her passion to help others. She soon left the Crisis Center that we were both working for, but went on to continue in the non-profit field and became the Senior Vice President and Chief Development Officer at United Way. Along with being a mother of two beautiful girls, she continues to inspire others daily and make a difference to impact our future generations. Cassie and I have kept in touch over the years and I am so proud to see what she is doing with United Way. I know that her contagious and bubbly personality have probably helped her tremendously when moving up the ladder of success. What else I think has helped her, however, is her heart for others. Aside from being completely inspired by Cassie, I feel incredibly blessed to call her friend.

Kathy

And last, but certainly not least, is Kathy. I had heard of Kathy Baker, the legend, an amazing volunteer for the American Cancer Society, long before I finally got to meet her and even longer before she actually technically became "my" volunteer. I knew she was a huge part of the success of the Relay For Life of VanZandt County and had done great things in Smith County, as well. Kathy is a survivor of fallopian cancer, and also of breast cancer. Her husband, Keith, is also a cancer survivor - of skin cancer and prostate cancer. Despite all of the challenges that Kathy has faced, she continues to be the face of the fight against cancer in Smith County. She has been the Event Chair of several Relay For Life's, survivor chair, sponsorship chair, and much more. She has served on our East Texas Regional Council for Relay For Life for several years and also serves on the Board for the ACS and has been President, with which she did an outstanding job. Kathy's entire family is focused on defeating this horrible disease and finding a cure. Her husband, sisters & her sons and daughter in laws have all been on the committees of Relay For Life throughout the years, and she even has a daughter in law, Ashley, that works for the American Cancer Society with whom I have become really great friends. It's evident that Kathy not only inspires her entire family to get involved in this cause, but everyone in the community that she lives in. People like her change the world and make me feel lucky to know such an amazing woman who gives hope to those fighting just by hearing her story. There isn't just one word to describe what Kathy Baker represents to me, there are many : Strength. Courage. Passion. Compassion. Hope. ...and more than anything, Inspiration. Thank you, Kathy, for all you have done in the fight against cancer. And all you have done to change the lives of those who have been so blessed to know you.

Our Wine & Cheese Fundraiser

On Thursday Night, the Crisis Center held our biggest fundraiser of the year - our Wine & Cheese event. This year, we got to host it at a Vineyard outside of Athens. On the property was a huge Plantation House decorated in all Italian. It was absolutely gorgeous!! The turn out was more than we expected, about 140 people came. All together we raised over 20,000 for the Center. It will definitely come in handy now that winter is coming! We will be able to get space heaters, blankets, Christmas presents, thanksgiving dinners, and more with our earnings for needy families in our community. Thanks to everyone that was involved.

 

The Clothesline Project

Today we displayed our Clothesline Project on the courthouse steps in Henderson County. It was one of the most inspiring things we have ever done, in my opinion. The turn out was a success and the women who were able to make a shirt were emotional, but felt, as one woman said, "free from the pain" when doing this project with us.

History of the Clothesline Project :

According to the Men's Rape Prevention Project in Washington DC, 58,000 soldiers died in the Vietnam war. During that same period of time, 51,000 women were killed mostly by men who supposedly loved them. In the summer of 1990, that statistic became the catalyst for a coalition of women's groups on Cape Cod, Massachusetts to consciously develop a program that would educate, break the silence and bear witness to one issue - violence against women.

This small, core group of women, many of whom had experienced some form of personal violence, wanted to find a unique way to take staggering, mind-numbing statistics and turn them into a provocative, "in-your-face" educational and healing tool.

One of the women, visual artist Rachel Carey-Harper, moved by the power of the AIDS quilt, presented the concept of using shirts - hanging on a clothesline - as the vehicle for raising awareness about this issue. The idea of using a clothesline was a natural. Doing the laundry was always considered women's work and in the days of close-knit neighborhoods women often exchanged information over backyard fences while hanging their clothes out to dry.

The concept was simple - let each woman tell her story in her own unique way, using words and/or artwork to decorate her shirt. Once finished, she would then hang her shirt on the clothesline. This very action serves many purposes. It acts as an educational tool for those who come to view the Clothesline; it becomes a healing tool for anyone who make a shirt - by hanging the shirt on the line, survivors, friends and family can literally turn their back on some of that pain of their experience and walk away; finally it allows those who are still suffering in silence to understand that they are not alone.

October of 1990 saw the original Clothesline Project with 31 shirts displayed on a village green in Hyannis, Massachusetts as part of an annual "Take Back the Night" March and Rally. Throughout the day, women came forward to create shirts and the line kept growing.
A small blurb appearing in Off Our Backs magazine was picked up by Ms magazine and everything changed for the Clothesline Project. In the following years, the Ryka Rose Foundation and Carol Cone's advertising agency took an interest in our work and helped create a national push with small pieces appearing in USA Weekend magazine, Shape magazine and others. This outreach created an overwhelming national response and brought the Clothesline Project from a single, local, grassroots effort into an intense national campaign.At the moment we estimate there are 500 projects nationally and internationally with an estimated 50,000 to 60,000 shirts. We know of projects in 41 states and 5 countries. This ever-expanding grassroots network is as far-flung as Tanzania and as close as Texas.

Survivor = A woman who has survived intimate personal violence such as rape, battering, incest, child sexual abuse.

Victim = A woman who has died at the hands of her abuser.

The Clothesline Project honors women survivors as well as victims of intimate violence. Any woman who has experienced such violence, at any time in her life, is encouraged to come forward and design a shirt. Victim's families and friends are also invited to participate.

It is the very process of designing a shirt that gives each woman a new voice with which to expose an often horrific and unspeakable experience that has dramatically altered the course of her life. Participating in this project provides a powerful step towards helping a survivor break through the shroud of silence that has surrounded her experience.

White represents women who died because of violence;

Yellow or beige represents battered or assaulted women;

Red, pink, and orange are for survivors of rape and sexual assault;

Blue and green t-shirts represent survivors of incest and sexual abuse;

Purple or lavender represents women attacked because of their sexual orientation;

Black is for women attacked for political reasons.

Give it to God.

I'm very excited today!

This afternoon in our H.E.A.R.T. support group, my ladies are going to be making their very own "Give it to God" boxes. We are taking ordinary tall tissue boxes that are empty, and decorating them with fabrics, puff paints, beads, ribbons, stickers, flowers and jewels. The purpose of the boxes are that when the ladies have something on their mind and in their heart that is worrying them, they will write that concern on a piece of paper and put it in their box. (Give it to God). The only way that this box works however, is if you really DO let go of the troubles and let God take over your worries through prayer and trust. I have a group of such amazing ladies that are so positive and ready to move on with their lives. I think that this project will be something that brings them peace and that they will enjoy. I will post pictures of our creations soon!

"Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me." - John 14:1

Project Virtue

So on Friday morning I finally decided to create a Project Virtue myspace page. It is created especially for girls and young women that are struggling with life's trials and are selling themselves short by finding their value in the way they look and not in who they are. I wasn't really sure how good it would go, and how many people would even check out the page, but slowly I started sending friend requests to women 18-35 with "questionable" (or inappropriate) profile pictures. All I could do was pray and hope that I didn't offend anyone with my requests. I only told them please check out the project; that it was made for women just like them.

Today I signed on my page, and was completely overwhelmed with joy. In just 2 days, Project Virtue has 272 profile views, and 184 friends and growing.

Here are some of the comments and messages that were written to me by girls all over the United States:

"I think it is great what you are doing!!! Thanks"

"I wish there were more girls out there like you. Keep up what you are doing."

"thanks for the add and its awesome what you believe in you are amazing and you have a kind heart from what i got from reading your info thanks."

"this project is amazing! it's exactly what i needed."

"thanks for the request...i love what you stand for..keep up the good work!!! "

"Wow, i love your page. and what you stand for. Thank you for finding me."

"I think this is great for ALL women."

"what your doing is really amazing, and I'm glad your doing what you are. God has blessed you with a talent to really speak to people, not just to them verbally, but to their hearts."

"Thank you so much for starting Project Virtue. Something like this is such a HUGE peice of my heart. I am a girl who's past consists of Anorexia, depression, suicidal tendencies and an emotionally abusive relationship...Project Virtue is a beautiful thing. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help, and I will try my best... and I will definitely keep this in prayer."

What else can I say? My dreams of helping women and healing their hearts is coming true right before my very eyes! GOD IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. I just wanted to share this with all of my friends and family. :)

 

Let's toast to the madness that made me this way...

In a couple of months, I will have worked for the crisis center for 2 years. It has been an incredible experience. Don't get me wrong, it has its ups and downs ... but mostly, it is the most rewarding thing next to bringing people to Jesus. I like to think though, in a way, that is exactly what I am doing. I'm blogging today because in the last couple of weeks I have had awesome experiences. I have gotten to watch people's lives transform before my very eyes.

I have gotten to see 2 clients that had their children taken away by CPS (only because they couldn't leave an offender at the time) get their children back. I have seen 5 different ladies get out of a bad situation and get into an apartment of their own, get a new job, and start all over again with a fresh life. I have seen people who have not had any opportunities for a good life, do a complete 180 and get off of alcohol and drugs and begin going to church services and seeing the love of God in their lives. I have seen children that have been sexually and physically abused and who have been closed off and separated from any kind of love ... open up and smile and laugh and paint and sing. It is beautiful. It has been amazing.

Yesterday morning, I went to court with someone who was not originally my client. She was the client of our bilingual legal advocate, but because Etsela couldn't make it to court with her, I went. She has applied for a protective order against her ex-boyfriend who had been verbally, mentally, physically, and psychologically abusive to the point of her breaking. What really hit a nerve with me, was when she told me that he had spit on her. For those of you who don't know me well enough, I was in a violent dating relationship some years ago, and he would physically hold me down on the ground and spit in my face. That is one of the most degrading, disgusting things you can do to a human being. I knew immediately that people would judge her and wonder that same old question " why didn't she just leave?" Well, if you don't know the dynamics of domestic violence, then you don't know all of the reasons why someone would stay with someone who treats you so horribly. There are many. Just a few are these: because you cared about him in the beginning and hope he will change. After all, he wasn't always like this. Because you know that nobody has ever shown him love in his life, and you want to be that hero, you want to watch him change for the better. Or because he threatens you and tells you if you leave he will kill you or himself. Or because he has made you feel so worthless, you actually believe that you deserve the treatment you are getting. I know it might sound ridiculous to some of you, but until you have walked a mile in their shoes ... you never know what they are going through. So.. having the judicial system that we do, I knew that this was going to be a tough one because in their eyes, "she could have just left." Plus, the case did not look promising because she had little evidence and no witnesses. After 2 hours of hearing, and back and forth "he said she said" between the client and the offender, the judge decided that he was going to DENY the protective order because there was no hard evidence. As I sat there in the court room watching that poor lady cry and try to talk to the judge, I remembered a tape recorder that she had brought with her -with angry and vulgar phone messages on it. He had left her several. The county attorney that was representing our client was obviously not fighting hard for her and the longer I sat there, the more my heart started to pound out of my chest. I knew I had to do something. So I stood up and interrupted -

"Your honor, may I say something?"

He looked down at me and said - "Do you have any hard evidence young lady?"

So I went on ... "well, I am with the East Texas Crisis Center, and she has a tape recorder of messages that you have to listen to."

He asked the attorney why he was not given this evidence and she began rattling off some excuse that she didn't think it would be relevant. She passed the recorder to the judge and for 10 minutes we all sat there listening to these horrible and threatening messages.

Finally, the judge spoke. - "Upon hearing these messages, I am changing my ruling. I am granting the two year protective order."

The client turned around over her shoulder, looked at me with huge crocodile tears in her eyes, and mouthed -Thank you. At that moment I could almost hear the music from the Natural playing in my head. You know, the one where he hits the baseball in to the stadium lights. It felt so good to have helped her. And for justice to be served.

I don't know how much longer I will be working here at the Crisis Center. I am trying to find a position somewhere that deals primarily with children. But while I am here, I am enjoying every moment that I can see someones life change and that I can watch them start to realize the love of God working in their lives. These women and children mean a lot to me. And today I wanted to write this blog, to say how proud I am of their courage and of their quiet strength.