"They say that the wind is everyone that you've ever loved...

...Grazing their lips upon your cheek ." - The Morning Of

Today Adam called me after his lunch break. He spent his break at a funeral of the father of one of his favorite co-workers. He told me about how sad it was, and how everyone couldn't come to terms with the fact that this man was gone. So as I was driving home from work, it got me to thinking. Thinking about how it changes our lives when we lose someone we love. I don't just mean through death, though that is definitely the hardest, but I mean any type of loss. When friendships change, when the fire of love fades out, or yes, when someone we care about leaves this life. Those kinds of losses can transform our lives completely. Sometimes for the better- when Gods plan is played out in these circumstances, and sometimes for the worst. We are stripped of something we held dear to us and we are left with only memories.

Memories that are bittersweet.
Memories that often hurt us to remember, but we are so afraid we might forget...

I think about this realization sometimes. How sad it must be to lose memories. To not be able to remember someones voice or the first time they made you laugh. I think about my friend Jamie. He had been my brothers best friend and roommate for 8 years. He was like a brother to me. I remember standing outside of that coffee shop the night that he left us. I remember sitting in the hospital room with my brother and all of his band mates when they came and told us that he didn't make it. All of us were crying and I remember actually feeling the sadness of my brother. That is something that I will never forget. It was so traumatic. I will never forget standing there, helpless, as we all waited for the ambulance to get there, watching someone doing CPR. But my fear is not that I will ever forget that day, I'm certain I won't.
My fear is forgetting every fun time with him before that day.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, that I'm just so thankful that God gave us memories....

And what amazing things they are. Sometimes it is even hard to fathom how it all works. We smell something and it triggers a memory. We hear a song and it triggers a memory. For me, the scent of cinnamon reminds me of the Holidays. The sound of crickets chirping at night reminds me of my home where I grew up. When I hear this song:

it reminds me of our wedding day. It was the song that I walked down the aisle to, and it reminds me of looking at Adam for the first time that day and crying tears of joy because I could not in that moment, express to God how thankful I was.

All of these memories are kept in our brains, and in our hearts. So how sad it will be to one day forget them.

Recently I got back in touch with 3 of my friends from years ago. We talked about the old days, funny things we used to do, and everyone's families. But I was really disheartened by the fact that most of the things that they were talking about, I had no recollection of. That is one of the reasons why I love photographs and camcorders so much. Because actually seeing something you have done helps trigger your memory.

It is sad to lose someone we love. But as long as we make it a point to remind ourselves of them and how great they were, it is really just up to our trusty old brain as to how long they will be with us.

"Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, and the things you never want to lose." - Kevin Arnold
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  1. this was beautiful. i loved it.

  2. Michelle PriceNovember 12, 2009

    I love your stuff it would be awesome to be able to let my stuff out the way you do you have an awesome gift and these things that you do and say have the ability to turn someone to God or change thier life forever


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