Some of your hurts you have cured,
And the sharpest you still have survived,
But what torments of grief you endured
From the evil which never arrived.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
I am an anxious person.
And that might be the understatement of the century.
I've gotten a lot better than I used to be, but I still over-analyze everything. And I'm a people pleaser. If I tell someone that I will be there at 4pm and I'm running 5 minutes late, I stress about it. If I playfully make a joke and the other person doesn't laugh, I wonder if they are upset with me. If I didn't order those two shirts that were on my to do list, I can't sleep wondering if my volunteers are going to be disappointed.
It's awful, really.
The worst part is that I usually tend to stress out about things before they even happen. I know it physically takes a toll me. And it really can't be good for the soul. I mean, I know it is good to want to be someone that people can count on, someone that always has the right things to say ... but stress and anxiety can also steal your heart away from God.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7
It was easy when we were kids, remember?
My days consisted of playing Legos with my brother, eating candy, and swallowing myself in stuffed animals on my bed when it was time to go to sleep. We didn't have things like bills, and jobs, and... well, REAL LIFE to worry about. All we had were big dreams.
But I've thought about it long and hard this weekend. And I've realized that all worry and anxiety is, ... is the reflection of lack of trust I must have in God and his plan. And the thought of that, is a lot harder to swallow than disappointing a volunteer, being late on a bill, or accidentally hurting someone's feelings.
I don't trust God enough.
I'm really ashamed.
Especially because of the fact that I'm not doing this alone. Not only do a have an amazing husband supporting me, a great family and some of the best friends, but I have comforting words from God himself that I am supposed to take to heart, but never have.
“An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.”
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
-1 Peter 5:6-7
“Then Jesus said to his disciples: ‘Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?”
“Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.”
So from this point on, I'm finished with stress and anxiety. I DO trust that God will provide for me and take care of me. I realize that sometimes in life I will disappoint people, I won't always have the right things to say, my job won't always be easy, and I won't be able to finish the laundry and cook a healthy meal when I get home from one of my late night meetings.
But tomorrow will still come.
People that truly care about me will always be in my life, my volunteers will understand that I try my best, and my sweet husband ... bless his heart, fortunately, he doesn't mind eating pop tarts and jalapeno chips for dinner a couple of nights a month when I'm not here. :)
This time, I have a feeling, will be a success.
This time, I'm not just getting rid of my stress and anxiety for my own health, to make my life easier, to be a good example to our children someday, or so that I can sleep easier. Though all of those sound really good...
This time, I'm getting rid of it in order to show how much
I trust my God.
Because anyone who has any faith in God, has no reason to worry.