I've always been an impatient person.
Especially when my heart is hoping for something.
I remember waiting for letters to see if I was accepted into certain schools. Or the week of our wedding, I thought that Saturday was NEVER going to get here. And when I have to get a new car? Ha. Forget about it. I want one the first day I go looking. It's hard to wait!
But Patience is a virtue, one that I really need to work on.
Some of you might think I am crazy for laying out our life story all over my blog. But I've always been an open book. And besides that, I write for myself. The comments don't matter to me, though they are nice to read. The follower count doesn't matter to me, every single person could 'unfollow' my blog and it would be ok. What really matters to me is that I am able to go through every single post I have made and recall every single emotion I have felt.
You see, we've been waiting for a while now to be able to start our family. When Adam was diagnosed with cancer, he had to take the highest dose of radiation treatment that the doctors are allowed to give. Our orders were that we couldn't even think about a baby, until a year from when his treatment was finished. And so we waited,... patiently.
And here we are.
And I'm incredibly excited. My heart and soul have longed for a little gift from God for so long. I get attached to children very easily. I'm not sure what it is. In fact, I noticed this weekend when we had friends over, that I spend more time hugging, kissing, and playing with the babies than I do even talking to my friends. It's always kind of been that way. I'm sure the adults get sort of annoyed with me, but I can't help it. Children spark something in me. You know that saying - "you make my heart happy"?? Well, that is what children do for me. It is something about their innocence, their preciousness, their smiles. And I'm pretty certain that a hug from a child can heal any heartache known to man. Just imagine when the one who is hugging you, is your very own.
I keep having dreams that we are expecting. It must be on my mind a lot throughout the day. And when I wake up... well, I know how ready I am for that day, because I feel a sense of sadness. Just for a moment. Of disappointment....emptiness, even. But I just need to be patient. God has been with us through everything. Our meeting, our marriage, his cancer. Everything. And I know that it will happen when He has planned.
So, Lord willing, soon enough, we will be getting a nursery ready. Going to doctors appointments, and picking out names. And finally, .... FINALLY... we will get to meet the precious person that I have missed for so long.