You Are More.

Having a human being growing inside of you really makes you think about life differently. It makes you wonder what kind of parent you are going to be, what kind of example you will be, what kind of life you will live for your children to see. I'm not going to lie, I'm a little nervous about being a mom. I think about things that I want to teach my children, like forgiveness, and question my own past and my willingness to forgive. What do I want them to see in me? I have so many things to work on.

But you know, the thing that I have been thinking about that I want my children to see the most through me ... is the love of God. So many of us have those stories of where we came from, such a dark and empty place, and we were REMADE. The one thing I want more than anything is for our children to know that we love them no matter what, and that God loves them no matter what. I hear stories too often of people that give up on life, or get angry at God and turn their backs on Him, or turn to addictions and violence to fill a void... all because they can't grasp what was done for them on the cross. That no matter where they came from, who they were, what they did, ... His mercy and grace and love covers them if they will just take that step. They can hide in it. They can basque in it. They can be in awe by it. It's there. It's always there. They are always searching, always hurting, for love here on this earth. For the approval of a parent, or the attention of a spouse, and while those things do mean so much, they won't fill that void. Those things won't give you peace.

I never want our kids to feel alone. I never want them to question their purpose in this world or doubt the love of God. It is indescribable to me when I think about how unworthy and undeserving of a second chance I was I am. Even now, as a follower of Christ, how many times I still mess up, and stumble. But He loves me anyway. I want with all of my heart, for my children to feel that.

I can't wait to teach them about the never ending, never changing, Love of God. And if you are wondering what kind of love I'm talking about, ... if you've never felt it ... if you've searched a lifetime to feel it, and searched this world over, in relationships, in entertainment, in hobbies, in praise of others, in friends... its not there. And you will just keep searching. The Love of God is one of those things that you can't understand until you REALIZE it is there, and actually feel it ... and you can't fully explain it to those who have yet to feel it.
It's like nothing I've ever known.

"Cause this is not about what you've done,
But what's been done for you.
This is not about where you've been,
But where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved."