Today started out as a normal day, I guess. I got up and went to work. Things were pretty slow here at the P.D., but as I left for lunch, I passed something on the road that changed my view on this day. I saw the brake lights of the little red nissan in front of me and I slowed down almost to a complete stop. As the nissan proceeded to pull off the side of the road, I began to wonder what might be wrong. But looking forward to the road, I noticed red and blue lights coming toward me. My first thought was that someone was being pulled over, or maybe there had been a wreck in the distance. I kept driving slowly wondering if I should follow the lead of the red car in front of me. Then I realized what was ahead.

It was a funeral.

And as I pulled off of the road, I watched as face after face drove by. A sadness came over me. I thought about how those people must be feeling, losing someone that they care about so much. I've been there and I no how it feels. For a moment I thought about how I have felt, losing people that I've loved. And I thought about how people in my life might feel when losing me. I thought about Adam, and how his life might be without me. And as sad as this might sound ... it was my next thought that opened my eyes: The thought of how I will feel on that day. As the last few cars drove by and I pulled back on the road, my thoughts were lost in a sea of devastated faces.

On the day that I die, it will no longer matter what I have said. It will no longer matter who is missing me, who has loved me, and who did or did not show up to my funeral. To them, yes, it might matter, but to me ... it will not. On the day that I die, the only thing that matters will be if I have loved the Lord, my God, above everything else. And the only thing that will matter to the lives of many people will be if I have told them about the Gospel. My desire above all else, is to look my Savior in the eye someday. To fall to my knees. To wash His feet with my hair and tears. To hear Him say "well done." The next thought to cross my mind was the realization of just how far I am from what I believe a Christian who takes up their cross to follow Him would be like. Have I truly denied myself? Do I love God above all things and my neighbor as myself? And if it was my funeral precession coming down the road today, would I be considered a faithful servant? Not because I think I have to win my way to Heaven, but because to show Him my love, .. well.. there is no other reason for my life. Oh God, I fall so short of all that You deserve.

Teach me to seek you,

and reveal yourself to me when I seek you.

For I cannot seek you unless you first teach me,

nor find you unless you first reveal yourself to me.

Let me seek you in longing,

and long for you in seeking.

Let me find you in love,

and love you in finding. Amen.

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