I guess a lot of it has to do with human nature. You know, that smirk you get on your face right when you think of the perfect thing to say to someone who seems to always try and pick a fight with you. But then, thanks to living for Christ, you come back to your senses and remember how He would want you to handle the situation. Should we be passive or aggressive?
Either way, I would have to say, my heart is heavy in these types of situations. It is sad to see Christian brothers or sisters hurting each other with unkind words and unkind actions. It is sad to see what a distraction these situations are from God's primary purpose for us. It is sad to see threats and counter-threats, subtle insults, and false assumptions. But when all of these things are taking place, what would Jesus want us to do to glorify Him? I believe that He would want us to empty ourselves of selfishness and pride and fill ourselves with His love and His patience. It is far easier to continue to fuel the fire and pick and prod, but sometimes responding to these types of schemes will get you nowhere.
In times of conflict, our human emotions can often try to dictate our behavior. We feel anger or sometimes we are just annoyed and want to lash out. We want to defend or attack. We feel wrongly accused and want to get revenge. So on and so forth. Yet, if we let our emotions dictate our behaviors, inevitably, we end up making matters worse. If you strive to hold on to God's Word and try to have Christ's loving spirit, you can manage to avoid behaviors that would have been both sinful and self-defeating.
Also, when we are in the midst of conflict, we're tempted to adopt the tactics of the world. Most of the time pride is the motivation behind our actions. We want to "win" for the sake of winning. The one who is made to look like the fool is the loser. We are tempted to use human schemes to defeat our opponents. Sometimes we defend ourselves, sometimes we play the victim, sometimes we insult for the fun of it, and sometimes we hold grudges. It feels natural to use the ways of the world to keep the conflict escalating until we have won, but these are never the ways of God : " For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor my ways are your ways." -Isaiah 55:8. In all things, we should deny the ways of the world, and imitate Christ's humble, self sacrificial attitude. We should also pray about what is going on and for the people that it concerns. That is definitely something else that God would want us to do.
I know that this can be extremely hard sometimes. Especially because we all fall short of the glory of God. We are human, after all. And especially when we feel as though people continue to try to insult us and get under our skin just to get a reaction out of us. Sometimes, no matter how much we say that we are doing it in "Christian love", or think that we are handling it the way Christ would, God knows our motivations behind everything. He knows when we are sincerely trying to get down to the bottom of things to bring peace between people, and when we are trying to continue to stir things up. We should always remember that we do all things to Glorify Him and not to glorify ourselves and be the "winner" because we got the last insults in. Pride should never play a part in making peace.
"Empty me, so I can be filled with YOU. "