"Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous.
It is to decide forever to have your heart walking around outside your body."
- Elizabeth Stone
It is almost the New Year, and I could not be more excited and overjoyed for this year to begin. We've got big, BIG plans.
Now, I know. Sometimes our plans don't always fall in line with what God has planned for us. And maybe I am getting all excited too early ... but I can't help myself.
I remember the exact moment, almost 7 years ago, when I decided that I just could not wait to have a family. It was the day that I met two little girls. Two little girls that completely stole my heart. Haylee and Aby. I was the youngest in my family, so I didn't really have a lot of experience with little children. But the moment they met me, it was like I was their new favorite friend. From then on, I was able to capture so many memories of their hugs, their little voices singing in my car to Kelly Clarkson, and them wanting to draw pictures for me as they sat beside me in the church building. There was something about their love and innocence that changed my world. It never failed. If I was having a rotten day, the moment I saw one of those little girls, and they ran to give me a hug ... everything was ok.
And since then, my life has been filled with the most precious children. Little Quentin, on my challenger little league team. He was a six year old boy with downs syndrome who had the BIGGEST heart I have ever known. I still remember the joy on his face when the train would ride by the baseball park. His eyes would get so big, and he would run to the fence yelling "choo choo"!!
And the most adorable children at our church congregation. Especially Liv. She is my little buddy. I know I can always count on a big bear hug from her every time I see her. And that sweet little voice shrieking "Mrs. Theresa!" when she runs over. I just can't look into the face of a child like that and not see God. The purity, the love. The precious heart. They just do my soul good.
Of course, in the last year, I have fallen in love all over again. First, my best friend had the cutest little boy. His smile lights up the room and he is such a happy baby. Just a little grin from him or him reaching out to grab and hold your finger can make you melt. And I watch him look at his mama and I can't wait for that moment in my life. And my sister in law had our little nephew, Charlie, this summer. He is a little bundle of joy. It is so much fun watching him grow and learn and laugh. The videos of him laughing are just so precious.
So in case you haven't guessed, I've got the fever BAD.
But it is not just the fever this time. It is a longing in my soul to create a life. To hold a tiny child up against me and have them look into my eyes. To feel a love like I have never felt before.
I can't even type that without getting tears in my eyes. I'm such a baby.
I've honestly never wanted anything so badly in my life. I know it will change my world. But it is finally the right time in our lives to have that joy around us, those hugs, those smiles, ... and know that they are a part of us.
So I ask for your thoughts and prayers going into this next year. Adam has to have his yearly scan to make sure that the cancer has not returned this month, and that could have a dramatic impact on our plans. We want him healthy, and me healthy, before we start our family.
But my heart is so ready. I'm ready to pray for a child that has not yet been formed. And sing to a child that is still in my womb. And rock a child that has yet to speak. And play with a child that has yet to take steps. And dance with a child that has never had a pain that their mama couldn't kiss and make better....
Yep, I'm ready for the first moment I see their precious little face,
And I let my soul light up.